The following is a short article I was asked to write for The Summit Magazine (a magazine for alumni and friends of Baptist Bible College & Seminary). I plan on expanding on it quite a lot since it is impossible to do justice to this topic in 800 words (at least it’s impossible for me). Here it is:

What would you say is the difference between morals-driven and Gospel-driven leadership in the home? We ask this question because we believe its answer is vital to the spiritual health of the home. Both morals-driven and Gospel-driven homes are concerned with the morality of their children. They both desire children who love God and others as themselves. They both value truth-telling, faithfulness, patience, servanthood, etc. However, they represent two radically different perspectives on these important concerns, desires, and values. So what does it mean for leadership in the Christian home to be Gospel-driven?

In our search to answer this question, we sought to apply the Gospel-centered perspective to specifics such as “What does it mean to be Gospel-driven in teaching our children to obey and honor us as their God-given parental authority?” Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians has been instructive in answering questions about leadership in the Christian home. We discovered that this idea of being “Gospel-driven” in the home is not new. It is not another Christian fad with a catchy phrase that after having its “day in the sun” will soon fade away. It is a concept that is as old as Scripture itself.

We have only enough space to introduce a Gospel-driven perspective of leadership within the Christian home. So we will consider Ephesians 6:1-4, verses that address both children and parents in the same context. As we look at these verses, we must remember that Paul did not intend for us to separate the commands to children and fathers from the life-giving foundation of the Gospel laid out in chapters one to three. In other words, Paul never intended the sole or even primary motivation for children to obey their parents to be that “it is right” (v. 1). How often have believing children been told the main reason for obeying their parents is that it is right? We are not saying the “rightness” of obedience is not a reason for obedience. It is a God-given reason, but “rightness” must not be the main reason or motivation for believing children to obey.

This same thinking applies to Paul’s second commandment to children in verses 2-3. The promise “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the earth” (v.3) is not the main reason children are to honor their parents. This is a reason, but it is not the reason. To give these two reasons for obedience as the primary reasons for offering obedience to parents is to teach our children to live a morals-driven life rather than a Gospel-driven life. If these reasons are our emphasis, we are essentially teaching our children that they should obey so they will be blessed. Although this teaching is true on one level, it is not true on the most important level.

Paul never intended us to sever Ephesians 6:1-3 from Ephesians 1-3. Remember that in Ephesians 6:1-3 Paul is writing to believing children. He has first declared to these children, whom he calls to obedience and honor, that God the Father has already blessed them in Christ with every spiritual blessing (1:3), that He chose them in Christ before the foundation of the world so they should be holy and blameless before Him (1:4), and that in Christ they have the forgiveness of sins (1:7). All believers, both parents and children, possess these unbelievable blessings.

Gospel-driven parenting says to believing children, “You are unspeakably blessed! Therefore, obey and honor us as your parents as to the Lord!” Gospel-centered parents seek to deepen their children’s understanding of the glorious riches that they already possess in Christ through faith. Their primary prayer and desire is that God would open the eyes of their children’s understanding so that they might know what is the hope to which God has called them, namely, the eternal riches of being in Christ (Ephesians 1:18). Morals-driven parenting says, “Obey and you will be blessed.” It seeks to motivate children to obey by emphasizing that if they work hard to live according to Biblical principles, then God will pour out His blessings upon them. Morals-driven parents (most often unknowingly) motivate their children through fear of lost blessings. Gospel-driven parenting says, “You are blessed. Therefore, obey.” The Gospel of God’s free grace teaches children to say “no” to their passions (Titus 2:11-12) not primarily for fear of lost blessings, but for joy in all that is already possessed in Christ. Gospel-driven leadership in the home produces joyful obedience and mutual submission because our crowning joy and security and blessings are not in our obedience but in our blessed Christ who lived and died in our place.

Unfortunately, we have been able to scratch only the surface of Gospel-driven leadership. We hope these thoughts will encourage you to continue to think through the implications of the Gospel in every relationship within the Christian home (Ephesians 6:22ff).